Count Kundalini

(Drums & Percussion)


The origins of Count Kundalini is the subject of much speculation.


Professor Peter Lund-Festin in 'The Arcane Language of the Nightingale' (Faber & Faber, 1987) claims that Kundalini was the semi-mythic 'King of Soup' who lived in a house built of jade and whale bone in Spitalfields, London in 1672.


" 'The Soup', known as 'Kaboss' was in fact a thick broth consisting of beef, what root vegetables were available, opium, hashish, belladonna and psylocibin mushrooms, which he would sell to the huge numbers of hysterical religious lunatics that filled the streets of 17th century London.


So potent was this concoction that they would be fishing them out of the Thames almost constantly during the Summer months - though the claim that he killed more people than the Black Death is obviously without foundation."


The first authenticated glimpse of the Count was in 1938 when he played bongos for Lancelot Tyler  'The Narcissus of Jazz' at Le Cheval Noir in Kensington.


After a particulary frenzied and in retrospect ill-advised bongo solo, the Count slipped into a fugue state in which he remained until 1967 when he caught the scent of reefer being passed around the Nurses' staffroom.


He emerged into a world utterly different from the one he had left three decades before.  "I hadn't aged a day.  And there I was sat in a park with these gawpy birds with daisies in their hair, who you could just do it with.  I didn't have a clue about this Vietnam thing they kept banging on about.  It took me ages to realise that they meant French Indo-China, and that the Yanks were making an arse of it.  As usual."


The Count soon grew tired of all that middle-class hippy nonsense and in 1969, after turning down the chance to kill the members of Genesis, he moved North.


He lived for several years in a yurt on the North Yorkshire Moors, perfecting his percussive skills and producing three critically acclaimed erotic sci-fi novels, 'The Book of Deformities', 'Fat Man, Stand Aside' and 'The Sedentary Wiccan', collectively known as The Dawnwatcher Trilogy (NEL 1973).


In 2012, after setting fire to his yurt, his possessions, his clothes, his beard and his legs, he joined Black Horse Fairy, where he remains to this day.